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Best of the Gore
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8
#99 - 
#99
- Editorial: …since
bitching about video killing downtown urban venues for nearly 2 ˝
years has not made the couch potato phenomena go away, the G.G.
staff has decided to throw in the towel and heed the old adage "If
you can't beat `em, join `em!" As of this issue, we'll be including
reviews of selected video titles that we feel deserve your
attention. We're not cunting out by any means, the G.G. will still
feature mostly theatrical reviews of every flick that plays
somewhere in the N.Y. metro
area.
Editorial: The Gore Gazette (Rick Sullivan )
and Morton Downey
Jr
DEAD BANG: ...Along the
way, Frankenheimer packs Dead Bang with an
onslaught of graphic violence and depravity that will hold sleaze
fans interest throughout the flicks slightly long 105 minutes. No
one hates dickhead Don (Johnson) more than the G.G. staff, so don't
be put off about paying to see
him.
SIEGE OF FIREBASE GLORIA: Attended
only by dwindling members of the Wings Hauser fan club and a few
confused Negroes who thought the flick was about an attack on a
crack smoking prostitute, Gloria is an extremely violent Vietnam War
actioner…
CAMERON'S CLOSET: After
apparently being tossed aside for his camp value by John Waters,
50's teen heartthrob-turned-homo Tab Hunter is sadly now reduced to
being decapitated by a Mayan demon…that looks so phony when finally
revealed in the flicks last reel, it looks like it was made from
leftover high school art
supplies.
PET SEMATARY: Straight to the litter
box for yet another overblown ponderously dull Stephen King
abomination. George Romero should feel proud he was fired off the
set of this trite clunker and replaced by MTV munchette Mary Lambert
whose only prior horror experience was directing Madonna
videos.
VACACIONES DE TERROR:
Screened at N.Y.'s formidable Spanish language-only Hollywood Twin,
this lame Beyond the Door PG-styled possession
opera was directed by Rene Cardona III in memory of his grandfather
who died in 1988. Gramps was the dude behind such classics as
Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy, Night of the
Bloody Apes, etc., so he is probably screaming "Maricon!"
from the grave when he sees what pussyweight gore fare his bloodline
is offering up.
DEAD CALM: This cat and
mouse suspensor has some great acting, pacing and sporadic
bloodletting, but supposed maniac Billy Zane is such an obvious
real-life fag that Negroes at 42nd St.'s famed Selwyn Theatre
screamed "Dat queer can't even get it up - he wants to suck the
husband's dick" during Calm's poignant rape scene,
trashing the flick's entire credibility.
#100 -
#100
- ( This anniversary issue was printed on newsprint
and given away free! - J4HI
)
Editorial: R.I.P. to
Steve Puchalski who has ceased production of his excellent
"Slimetime" owing to some personal problems which I infer to be some
rat bastard who turned him in for printing his zine on the
job....We tips our hats to what was the best publication of
the fanzine set. ( Three issues later Rick would plug Steve's new
fanzine Shock
Cinema which, as of this writing, is
looking to become one of the longest running film zines. -
J4HI )
LADY
TERMINATOR
LOCK-UP: …was filmed on location at N.J.'s own
Rahway State Prison with real inmates used as extras. We caught up
with the flick at the Liberty Theatre in a neighboring town (to the
prison) where ethnic minions in attendance amused themselves
throughout the film's slow spots by identifying incarcerated
relatives.
VAMPIRE'S KISS: The
flick constantly flip flops between comedy and drama and is further
hampered by Cage's annoying, scenery-chewing performance,
highlighted by his nasal monotone that reveals he's been hooting too
much powder. Why support his habit by viewing this
crap?
SAVAGE BEACH: The annual
Andy Sidaris panoramic low budget sexploitation tit-a-thon comes as
a breath of fresh air in these repressed days of safe sex and
monogamy. Sure the acting's awful, but it's a pleasure to see blonde
bimbos bone indiscriminately without the use of condoms and doff
their tops at the drop of a hat.
#101
- ( The G.G.'s "Gore Film of the Year" award goes to
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer"
)
#101
- 
( Editor of the GG gets
engaged? )
COMMUNION: Christopher Walken's
embarrassing scenery-chewing and ranting about how aliens came into
his room and gave him a "rectal probe" (Walken's quote, not ours) is
only eclipsed by the final depiction of the creatures themselves -
who laughably resemble the California
Raisins!
TANGO AND CASH: A
multi-million dollar testosterone outing that is so far-fetched and
ridiculous it plays like a cinematic version of a Road Runner
cartoon. It seems a waste to spend $12 million bucks on such a
mindless piece of sexist, violent escapism, but it sure beats
Old Gringo or The Abyss, flicks
that cost twice as much without having one fart
joke.
LEATHERFACE:THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
III: Gorehounds will notice the glaring cuts made in
the KNB Group's grisly blood-drenched effects, but surprisingly
there is enough crimson carnage left intact that fans will not feel
totally cheated. Considering all the insurmountable odds the film
has faced since it's inception, TCM III is slightly
flawed, yet far and away superior to 86's unrated Dennis
Hopper-starring
embarrassment.
HIGH STAKES: What's
leggy former 1988 Oscar nominee Sally Kirkland doing in this low
budget sexploitationer as a hooker with a heart of gold who enlists
an unsuspecting Wall Street financier to help her break out of the
pussy trade? Could she have fallen that low in just one year? Is
that really burn-scarred B-villain stalwart Richard Lynch she's
sucking face with? How much could she have been paid to star in this
poverty-row travesty that's already in the video shops? Would she
blow me for
$20.00?
HARD TO
KILL
DRUGSTORE COWBOY: If you're into contraband you must
see this masterpiece under the influence. If not, at least pound
down a six-pack. William Burroughs as a geriatric, heroin-addled
priest nearly steals the show in the final two reels, leaving
Drugstore Cowboy one of the best films released in
1989.
#102
- 
#102 -
STREETS
THE GUARDIAN: Former Exorcist
director William Friedkin must be entering into senility as
this ridiculous outing concerning an evil cannibalistic druid tree
that survives by eating newborn babies…is so lame it makes 1958's
corny From Hell it Came (the last timber inspired
horror outing to our recollection) look like Citizen
Kane by
comparison.
TWISTED
JUSTICE: …producer, director and star David Heavener
looks as if he acquired his filmmaking and acting skills from a
matchbook correspondence course. And how much blow did he have to
throw around to get Karen Black, Jim Brown, Don Stroud, Jim Van
Patton and an enchilda-bloated Eric Estrada to appear in this Grade
Z outing?
THE COOK, THE THIEF, HIS
WIFE AND HER LOVER:...A bit overlong at 126 minutes,
antsy gorehounds can pass the time counting how many mainstream art
patrons leave the theatre in disgust during any of the above
mentioned sequences. During our viewing, I counted 11, but there
were plenty more groans of disgust and outrage. A must
see!
LAST EXIT TO BROOKLYN:
This O.K. celluloid adaptation of Hubert Selby's
1964 classic sleaze novel tells us two things we already know: 1)
that Jennifer Jason Leigh has a great, perky set of tits and 2) even
back in the Brooklyn of 1952 there were guys who liked to suck each
other's cocks. So, big deal!
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