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Best of the Gore Gazette - Page
5
#80 - 
( The G.G. Film Series at "The Dive" )
#80
- ( The G.G. 1985 "Gore Film of
the Year" is Stuart Gordon's The Re-Animator just
edging out George Romero's Day of the Dead )
TO
LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.: If it weren't for a G.G.
subscriber bringing this to our attention, William Friedkin's newest
action gem would have passed by unnoticed as it's bland "FBI drama"
ad campaign and heavily-touted soundtrack by limp wheezers "Wang
Chung" totally disguise what is in essence a multi-million dollar,
mindless violence
classic…
BARBARIAN QUEEN: …Filmed
in Argentina on what appears to be cardboard sets, this 70min shorty
is low on originality but high on action, violence and nudity with
over 50% of the film stock displaying a naked breast, buttock or
beaver being raped, caressed or beaten.
#81 - PRAY FOR
DEATH: …exalted Ninja potentate Sho Kosugi acts as a
slant-eyed Charles Bronson, exacting vengeance single-handedly on a
group of American thugs and corrupt cops who trash his sushi
restaurant, rape and murder his wife and run over his #1 son with a
pick-up truck…No matter how much you despise kung-fu epics,
Pray is so violent it will win you over even if
your parents were killed at Pearl
Harbor. IGOR AND THE LUNATICS: ...is
amateurishly embarrassing in the extreme, with a grainy look and
shaky hand-held camera that almost resembles a super 8 high school
project, with hammy non-professional actors denigrating the flick
even worse. Furthermore, Mary Ann Schacht (the heroine) is ugly
beyond belief: her zitted-out face and huge fat ass evoking audience
pity every time she appears
onscreen.
(Posters for sale: Russ Meyer's: Beneath the Valley of the
Ultravixens and Up! - $9.00 each -
J4HI )
#82 - FOXTRAP: Pity the plight of poor Fred
Williamson, aging Negro macho-dude who struck success during the
blaxploitation cycle of the early `70's with such chicken 'n' ribs
favorites like Black Caesar, Hell Up in
Harlem, etc. and refuses to believe that the market for
black action quickies has long since dried
up. DELTA FORCE: Menahem Golam and
Yoram Globus , those wacky Israeli immigrants who head up Cannon
Releasing have unleashed to the movie-going public the world's first
Zionist exploitation film…
#83 - Editorial ( Rick comments on the fact that the popularity
of VCRs is hurting the theatre biz - J4HI
)
BOYS NEXT
DOOR: Easily Spheeris' best work to date, St
Elmo's Fire rejects Maxwell Caufield and Charlie Sheen
shine as the brain-twisted dorks with Penelope adding hefty doses of
graphic gore and unflinching sadism that had most art bears heading
for the exit doors before a ½ hour of the film had
un-spooled. APRIL FOOLS DAY: …To further
illustrate just how awful April really is, the G.G. staff caught
this film at a (private) screening room. At this supposed
"high-brow" event, a narcoleptic projectionist skipped the entire
4th reel of the film without us, the press, nor any of the
coke-addled Paramount brass catching the error until the end, when
the running time didn't check out. It is doubtful there could be a
truer test of a
turkey. 3:15 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH: …A fine
example of the dangerous trend warned about in our editorial; in the
past years a film of this caliber would have had them lining up on
42nd St. for a block to see the nasty wetback gang get their just
desserts, but 3:15 brought in less than $100,000 in
one week at over 50 locations in the metro area. Support independent
sleaze - see 3:15
today! MURPHY'S LAW: Sleaze fans
should give a special commendation to Charles Bronson who over the
past three years has consistently shirked artistic merit of any
degree in an attempt to bring us the most base, violent and
racially-stereotyped exploitation potboilers around. Whether blowing
away Negroes in the ever-popular Death Wish series
or saving poor Hispanics who get their testicles nailed to the floor
by Nazi war criminals in The Evil That Man Do, one
can always count on Charlie to deliver something to offend
everyone.
#84 - GIRLS SCHOOL
SCREAMERS: Tediously long at it's scant 83 minutes
Girls is yet another in a long line of Troma
deceptions that dupe patrons with a juicy ad and poster campaign,
but end up being embarrassingly amateur student
films.
#84 -  ( Dyanne
Thorne "Live at The Dive" )
#85 - ALIENS: Perhaps after nearly six years
of churning out this rag we've become jaded, but his summer's
biggest box office smash from newly-proclaimed Hollywood whiz kid
James Cameron amounts to nothing more than an extremely overlong 140
minute mediocrity that could have been more accurately titled Mrs.
Rambo Meets the Space
Monster.
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE:
Having consistently panned Stephen King over the years for virtually
all of his cinematic ventures, the humble staff of the G.G. is
forced to eat crow and commend the dude on his first directorial
effort.
#86 - DEAD END
DRIVE-IN: Possibly the worst event to befall modern
Australian exploitation cinema was the overwhelming crossover
success of George Miller's Mad Max, as for almost a
decade now every kangaroo humper who manages to scrape together a
few bucks and land a 16mm camera has been force-feeding his vision
of a futuristic post-nuke punk society, via Grade-Z low-budget
exports, to unsuspecting patrons of the world.
#87
- 
#87 - WOMENS PRISON
MASSACRE
ARMED RESPONSE: This new release from Fred Olen Ray,
the heir apparent to the Al Adamson throne of trash filmmaking was
slated for prejudicial review since the sleaze helmer tried to bone
your editor's girlfriend behind his back a couple years ago.
However, 5 minutes into this wild, mindless actioner all grudges
were forgotten as Armed quickly sets a fast-paced
stride of violence, sex and bad acting that will easily win over
even the most critical
viewer.
CRAWLSPACE: …Aside from
a few bloodless and off screen killings, nothing occurs throughout
Crawlspace's first 50 minutes and by the time it's
revealed that Kinski's psychosis is caused by his Nazi war criminal
heritage, most gorehounds will have either fallen asleep or walked
out into the grindhouse lobby hoping to score some crack in order to
keep them awake through this abysmal dud.
#88 - EYE OF THE TIGER: …It's hard to
believe only 8 years ago Gary Busey received an Oscar nomination for
his lead portrayal in The Buddy Holly Story, but
his career plummet is our gain as Eye is easily the
best mindless actioner to be released this
year. KING KONG LIVES: It seems that Kong
somehow survived his fall from the World Trade Center and did not
contract any social diseases from Jessica
Lang…
#89 -
( The G.G.s "Gore Film Film of the
Year" is Demons - J4HI
)
Editorial:
We usually feature a juicy shot from the "G.G. Gorefilm of the Year"
winner on our cover, but haughty dickweeds at L.A.'s Ascot
Entertainment (Demons domestic distributor), when
notified of their much-sought-after prize declined to accept it or
even provide a still as " the company's image has significantly
upgraded and we no longer wish to be connected with nor promote our
exploitative corporate origins" Well Fuuuuuck
You! WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE: The entire
concept of casting the obviously European star Rutger Hauer as the
fictional great-grandson of Steve McQueen's Americana bounty hunter
from the late `50's western TV series is about as plausible as
signing Barbara Streisand to play the Jew-killing daughter of Adolph
Hitler in a prime time
miniseries…
DEADTIME STORIES: …The
only problem a packed 42nd St. audience found with the film was an
embarrassingly obvious herpes blister on the lips of the poor
actress who plays Little Red "Running" Hood, eliciting groans and
lewd comments every time a close-up of her face appeared on
screen.
#89
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