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Best of the Gore
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#54
- EVIL
DEAD: Despite the fact that it's endorsed by fat
dork / talent-less cretin Stephen King, The Evil
Dead is a unique, highly effective shocker which will
undoubtedly cop the G.G. Film of the year award for 1983. It makes
last year's winner Dr. Butcher, M.D. look like an
anemic psychological thriller by
comparison.
1990: THE BRONX
WARRIORS: This film marks the late Vic Morrow's
next-to-last role and is almost worth seeing for the sake of one
brief sequence that is in such bad taste it's almost unbelievable
that it survived the final release print. After his first
unsuccessful attempt at rescuing the heiress Morrow begs her father
for another chance…he agrees with the stern warning "Go! Try again!
But if you fail I'll have your head!"
#55 -
SEVEN (1979 film): …What follows
is a slick, violent, often hilarious array of shotgunnings, kung-fu,
topless nubiles, laser bazookas, racial slurs, inflatable love
dolls, degenerate lechery, skateboarding and dead surfers.
Seven is a classic example of the "set `em up,
shoot `em down and blow `em up" school of filmmaking.
#56 -
Editorial: On May 20, the
notorious I Spit on Your Grave was booked as the
co-feature at the Fabian Theatre with Gates of
Hell. What professed to be one of the hottest bills of the
season wilted quickly when (the manager) took a squint at
Spit. Instead of seeing the lovely Camille Keaton
carving up gonads of sundry attackers with a hatchet, he found the
film to be concerned with life on an American Indian reservation. A
quick call to an area film archivist confirmed that the flick being
shown was an old 1971 opus known as The Legend of Hillbilly
John…. some skunk had lopped off a portion of
Spit's actual credits and spliced them into the
bogus print, making off with the real film for his personal
use…
(At the end of this
issue original one sheets on
sale for $8.00 each include
Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! and
Ilsa: She-Wolf of the S.S. - insert
jaw-dropping sound fx here - J4HI
)
#57
- (The "Gandhi / Tales From the
Crypt" Double-Bill : As the story goes GG publisher Rick
Sullivan was a booker for the Fabian theater - a sleazy
slice of 42nd street nestled in Paterson, New Jersey. Every
program was a double-bill. The patrons expected nothing
less. But how do you put a 2nd feature with the epic 3 hour
long Gandhi without losing time and money? Easy,
take 1973's episodic "Tales From the Crypt Pt 2"
and snip out a few stories so it runs in at about 1 hour
instead of 1:23. Then stick it on the Gandhi double-bill for a
perfect 4hr combo. How many Gandhi fans stayed
around for Tales From the Crypt we'll never know -
J4HI )
#57
- 
( Gandhi /
Tales From the Crypt Pt 2 double-feature )
(In Issue #57 Rick announces finding a new home
for the G.G. film series. The aptly named NYC club "The
Dive" will host many booze-fueled gore and
sleaze screenings. Check out these rare Dive
Flyers to see what you missed. -
J4HI )
#60 -
Editorial: T.V. Mikels was in
town a few weeks ago for a personal appearance at the G.G. Film
Festival held every Thursday at "The Dive" in Manhattan. T.V.
premiered The Doll Squad with Tura Satana to a
packed house and then fielded questions for over an hour. Thanks to
all G.G readers for making the night a resounding
success!
YOR, HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE:
(Reb) Brown is now forced to doff a long, platinum wig and run
around in a loincloth, fighting prehistoric monsters and ape men in
a search to discover his origin…Brown's awful acting coupled with an
anachronistic disco soundtrack and some surprising Dr.
Butcher-ish dinosaur slaughters snuck in on the sly by
Anthony Dawson add up to make Yor a laugh
riot.
CUJO: …the biggest flaw
of Cujo is the fact that no matter how much shaving
cream is applied to his snout or yellow paint to his tear ducts, a
big, dumb-looking St. Bernard is just not frightening! At every
terror scene in the film, Cujo reminds one of
similar historic comedic canines such as those seen in My
Three Sons and Please Don't Eat the
Daisies and is more apt to induce guffaws than
screams.
#61 - HELL'S ANGELS FOREVER: …They may not
be accurate but I'll take Peter Fonda, William Smith, The
Wild Angels, The Losers and "Davie Allen
and The Arrows" over Sonny Barger, Sandy Alexander, "The Grateful
Dead" and Hell's Angels Forever any
day.
BOY AND HIS DOG: The wily Terry
Levine of Aquarius Releasing is responsible for the wildest title
change ever: fearing that the re-release of the 1978 curio A
Boy and His Dog would generate low response on 42nd St's
action track, the sly Mr. L. has changed the marquee title for that
engagement only to A Psycho Boy and His Killer Dog,
Blood.
#62 -
SEX AND VIOLENCE
#63 -
LOVELY BUT DEADLY:
Grade-Z production and cornball acting add to the charm of this
unusual exploitation quickie…Lovely flattens creep
after creep with some of the most awkward karate moves ever
committed to celluloid, while her chaste, squeaky-clean beau
performs wimpoid rock ballads that would make Jerry Falwell
smile.
THE KEEP: …This force turns out to be
a creature that looks like a rubbery Infra-Man
reject who does battle with Scott Glenn, a mysterious anti-hero
entity who does little more throughout the film than to look somber
and occasionally make his eyes glow lavender.
#64 -
SCARFACE: Along the way, De
Palma packs Scarface full of enough gratuitous
violence, sleazy profanity and preposterous storyline that one
wonders how Universal Pictures was ever talked into laying out $20
million plus for what is essentially an overblown 42nd St.
exploitationer.
WAR OF THE WIZARDS: 21st
Century, N.Y.'s own scurrilous sleaze distributors, are up to their
old title-switching tactics again. Taking an old Japanese children's
fantasy film originally know as The Phoenix, 21st
has re-titled it War of the Wizards and devised an
ad campaign billing Richard Kiel (Eegah!) falsely
as the star of the film that purports to be "better than
Clash of the
Titans"
MORTUARY: (this was written just after
Christopher George's untimely death - j4hi
) Although poked fun at by many critics of all
circles, Christopher George will be sorely missed (especially by
fans of the horror genre) for his steadfast trooper-esque
performances in so many terrible directionless films of miniscule
budget. Had he survived, perhaps he could have carved a comfortable
niche for himself by inheriting the mantle of the "soon-to-kick"
John Carradine, a similar celluloid scavenger who is endeared to us
all.
WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND: Starring
Fred Williamson as the token American amidst a cast of hundreds of
homogenous guidos, Warriors spins the sordid tale
of the Death Templars, a post-holocaust group of psychotic
homosexuals out to exterminate the survivors left on earth. Pitted
against them are Fred and an Italian muscle head who resembles
Liberace.
(More posters for sale at
$8.00: They Came From Within and H.G.
Lewis' Just For the Hell Of It! -
J4HI)
#65 -
RUNNING HOT: Newcomer Monica
Carrico as the hooker seems homely and annoying at first but soon
wins the audience over with her quirky " whore w/ a heart of gold"
personality as does Eric Stoltz's portrayal of the persecuted,
freckled teen who resembles a 17-year old "Imus in the
morning".
BOARDING HOUSE: Thank
West Coast shyster Howard Willette for this dubious innovation: the
first gore video transferred to 35mm for theatrical release. This
process has been used in porno movies for some time now, but only
serves to make Boarding a slapdash, no-budget mess
that looks like it was throw together over a weekend for a fast buck
by a group of brain-damaged drug addicts.
SHOCKING ASIA: …culminating in
Asia's highlight: an on-screen graphic look at a
sex change operation in modern China. Patrons of 42nd St.'s Liberty
Theatre uniformly recoiled in disgust at the sight of a grimy Asian
physician lopping off the penis of some guy with all the finesse of
a salad girl chopping carrots.
#65
- 
#66 - ALLEY CAT: Yeow!! G.G. readers should be advised that this review
may be prejudiced by the fact that I found Karen Mani, the star, to
be the finest piece of trim I've laid my eyes on in many a
moon…
5 ANGRY WOMEN: This curio popped up for one day only at 42nd St.'s
posh Rivoli Theatre on a double bill with Don Dohler's Grade-Z
extravaganza The Alien Factor. Made way back in
1974, Women is a poverty row W.I.P. quickie that attempts to mimic
the better made New World sagas (Caged Heat, etc)
that were popular at the time. Inept acting, inaudible sound and the
ugliest five cows ever committed to celluloid makes this a must-see
for fans of Ed Wood-style "so awful it's good" turdsville cinema
only!
#67 -
10 VIOLENT WOMEN: …Sadly belying
it's own title, 10 contains little violence, no gore and is so
confusing that it's 97min running time is sheer torture to endure.
Even at nudity poor T.V. (Mikels) shows he's in the Stone Age by
having all the women in prison take showers with their bras and
panties on! Come on, what's the "R" rating doing on this dud? G.G.
readers would do well to send Mikels some current issues of Hustler
magazine so that he can see just how far the public tastes have
advanced in 14 years!
FLESHBURN: Remember
those old black & white Monogram Grade -C adventure quickies
from the `30's and `40's where, save for a few Ubangi attacks and a
few menacing snakes or spiders, nothing really happens? Imagine the
same as a color film, 90mins in length with a few strategic "Fuck
You"s for an `80's update and you get a pretty good idea of
Fleshburn, a grueling exercise in
tedium.
(Posters for sale
include: Last House on the Left and Goke,
Body Snatcher from Hell. $8.00 a piece -
J4HI )
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